26 Miles Is 25 Miles Too Far

The 2011 San Francisco Marathon kicked off this morning. Part of the course leads the runners right underneath one side of our building along Haight Street. While it was mildly tempting to wake up a little early and go downstairs to cheer the athletes, we quickly realized it’s a Sunday morning, it’s 60 degrees outside, and running is crazy. We could hear the clapping and cheers from our apartment, so we were there in spirit, of course.

And who on earth would run 26 miles? After one mile, my knees start threatening to call their local union reps and go on strike. Do that for 25 more miles, and I’m pretty sure my entire body would expatriate to Canada. It truly boggles our minds that there are people who PAY for the opportunity to experience that kind of pain.

But, to each their own. One thing is certain, after a race like that, whether you are a runner or a fan, or someone who lies in bed thinking about the runners going by and shaking your head, you deserve a drink. May we recommend some champagne? Perhaps one such as the G.H. Mumm Brut Rosé ($35). This is a cousin of the regular G.H. Mumm Brut that we often go to for celebratory drinks. This one was full of spunk, as it created a vortex of bubbles once poured into our glasses. It had a sharp initial taste that was a little sour, surprising for a rosé. The flavor then melted into floral and bitter apple notes that carried a little sass with them. The end brought on a punch of grape that rounded out the flavor experience. We were not wowed by this one, but that probably wouldn’t matter after 26 miles of running. We’d just be happy to be alive!

Score: An all-around 3.

Recommended: While it was pleasing and went well with the Mystery Science Theater 3000 movie we watched while we drank, it wasn’t as good at the regular Brut. We’d go with that instead.

Things For Which You Shouldn’t Tip

We’ve entered the ranks of true un-paid bloggers with our recent milestone – two months without a new entry. And we’ll do the cursory whining, that there was wedding planning, and out-of-town trips, and script-writing, and flying monkeys that got in the way of our postings. But we know you’ve heard all that before, and they’re just excuses. If you really want to do something, you make time for it, simple as that. So we apologize. Feel free to throw virtual tomatoes (just not heirloom tomatoes, you should keep those babies to eat!).

While you may be unhappy with us, we’ve also been unhappy with some of the sparkling wine selections we’ve encountered over the past few months. Maybe we’ve been too stingy and haven’t been springing for the pricey stuff as much as usual (weddings can take a bite out of the budget), but I also think our good luck with finding bargain wines that still please the palate couldn’t last forever. And so, here are a couple wines you can be sure to avoid, at any price. (Unfortunately, because one of us changed phones, we no longer have photos, but you wouldn’t want to see these pitiful bottles anyway).

First, the Pol Remy Brut ($9), the second least impressive champagne we’ve tried so far. It was furiously bubbly and abrasively sour upon first sip. It lacked pretty much any other flavor besides sour, and even smelled slightly of wine that’s turned a bit too far towards vinegar. It did have a moderate crispness, but the wine itself lacked any complexity, and was just another empty promise. The ending was nothing but dry all over.

Score: She gives it a 1.5, he miraculously bestows a 2.5 upon this wine.

Next is the Enrico Prosecco ($13), a sparkler from an Italian vineyard that was established in 1983, which seemed promising as that was the year of this author’s birth. But alas, not everything founded in ’83 was meant to be spectacular. This was another wine with too many bubbles, perhaps trying to make up for a lack of flavor. It was typically dry, with sweet and sour top notes mixed together. The flavor was so light it was hard to identify, and merely tickled the tongue without providing any real enjoyment. The closest flavor we could come up with was watery apples, almost like apple flavored watermelons (are there such things?). It was an underwhelming, unremarkable experience.

Score: She gives it a 2, he goes with a 2.5

Recommended: Obviously, even at bargain prices, we suggest avoiding these wines and using your money for a nice six-pack of micro-brewed beer. For those times you need a break from champagne. Hey, it could happen.

A Prankster is Born

While we don’t have children ourselves (and thank goodness, yikes!), we do love visiting Rochelle’s side of the family to discover all the new antics our little niece has learned. She’ll be turning two in a few weeks, and true to toddler form, has already become adept at raising hell and causing trouble.

Her specialty, though, is using her innocent charms to lure people into a sense of security, before springing some impish trick. For example, she was out one day helping her grandmother water the garden, and decided she would be much better piloting the hose than her elder. Once in her grasp, she quickly turned the hose around and splashed water all over grandma’s legs. Grandma, not being in the proper uniform for a hose party, quickly backed away and told the child to turn the hose back on the flowers. Immediately, the smile left her little face, and with all sincerity she said “no, no” and lowered the hose, while waving grandma back over with reassuring glances. As soon as Grandma was back within distance, though, the devilish smile sprang back on her face and she unleashed another dousing with cruel precision. This game continued for several rounds, and each time the child composed her face into such a look of repentant sincerity it was hard not to believe she would be true to her word. Such is the power of a simple vocabulary and budding acting skills.

While we could be a little disturbed that our niece has learned the power of a shy smile and dishonest intentions at such a young age, we choose to celebrate this feat. Because it’s never too early to learn that the world rewards ingenuity, and will only crush those who choose to wear their hearts on their sleeves. Bravo, little Bean, bravo. We have high hopes for you.

To celebrate little nieces, and the prankster in all of us, we recently settled down to a bottle of De Chancey Crémant de Loire Brut ($15). The wine was exuberantly bubbly right out of the bottle, like a little kid after too many pop rocks and soda. It had an almost creamy mouth feel, with bread and pear flavors dominating its top notes. It had a smooth, dry feel after swallowed, with an overall fruity aftertaste that was reminiscent of orange. The experience was sweet, without being cloying, a balance we can only hope our little niece will learn one day. But for now, give her the hose, and don’t believe a word she says.

Score: She gave it a 3.5, he gave it a solid 3.

Recommended: Yes, it was very pleasing, and reminded us what a pleasure it is to be able leave the children behind after the antics are over and relax in our kid-free apartment.

Tastes Like the IRS

There are few things less appealing than doing taxes. Maybe macro-economics lectures, or house-sitting for a friend who has an epileptic cat with continence issues. But filling out those forms for the IRS is right up there. Their jargon is so opaque and overwrought it could only have come from the bowels of bureaucrats stuffed on the carcasses of campaign promises past.

The math involved borders on pure hocus-pocus, magically adding and subtracting from that imaginary pile of money in the sky until a final number pops out of the hat. And while we’re happy for our refund when it’s all said and done, it still leaves us feeling like we need a long shower, a good scrub, and a stiff drink. The stench of dank DC basements lingers.

So perhaps it’s a good time for this next review. The Pierre Chainier Séduction Brut ($10) would rival tax form legalese for the bad taste it left in our mouths. Rather than using anything close to the champagne method for sparkling wines, this seemed to be a blend of chardonnay and sauvignon blanc, with some caustic bubbles added to the mix. It was sweet yet bitter at the same time, like meeting an ex on the street while you’re out with your new significant other. And much like doing taxes, it left us both with a headache afterwards. While “seduction” is in the name of this wine, we can’t think of anything else that would kill the mood quicker. Except maybe a shirtless tax attorney.

Score: Our very first 1.

Recommended: Only as a gift for the loveless bureaucrats in your life.

Celebrate the Stops

Sometimes there doesn’t seem to be much to celebrate in life. We all feel this. There can be major upsets, huge heartbreaks, crushing failures. There can even be little things. That package you’re dying to receive that gets lost in the mail. A fabulous new recipe you wanted to try that turned out worse than your grandmother’s meatloaf. Or a huge case of writer’s block when all you want to do is get that dang work off the ground (and off your shoulders).

But we think this is perhaps the best time of all to celebrate. When there’s nothing else you can do anymore. When you’re about to throw the whole thing out the window. When that questionable stain from last week’s party just isn’t going anywhere. Because if anything, having these fits of inadequacy and frustration forces us all to pause. To stop driving relentlessly forward toward some end that’s never going to be good enough. If all you have left is a champagne flute and a patch of hardwood floor, stop, take a breath, and remember this is the perfect time for some refreshment.

Take all those lemons, and turn them into champagne! (Hmm, new market here? Lemon champagne anyone?) One we recently tried that might be worth a shot is the Schramsberg Mirabelle Brut ($19). This sparkling wine had a smooth, juicy taste heavily laden with apples. It was crisply dry like a Granny Smith, but with no real bite at the end. It had spicy undertones that almost warmed the tongue, and was very pleasantly carbonated. This tangy wine became stronger in flavor as we drank, amplifying it’s tartness. An enjoyable experience, and one that might remind you that as long as you have a glass of bubbly, everything else can fix itself.

Score: An all-around 3.

Recommended: Sure, it’s pretty solid, and certainly better than a trip to the DMV.

Spring Time for Bubbly

We’re sure we’re not the only people thankful for the recent start of daylight savings time and the extended evening hours we’ve all received. Things have even warmed up recently in our fair city of San Francisco, leaving us with many nights to open the windows, feel the cool Pacific breeze, and enjoy the many blessings we have in our comfy little apartment. And walk around with no pants. (Did we say that?)

Nights like these make us want to celebrate everything, from successfully unclogging a drain (take that, hairball) to finding that elusive foreign film (Takeshis’ is ours!). Long evenings and lots of little victories can only mean one thing – more champagne.

This one is actually a sparkling wine. And while we were too distracted marveling at the fantastic Bay weather to take a picture of our bottle, you will still have to trust our review is genuine. This time it was the Chandon Extra-Dry Riche ($19). While we’ve been disappointed by Chandon’s wines before, we gave this one a try mostly because it came as a gift at no cost to us, so we had little to lose besides our thirst. True to its promise of extra-dry flavor, it had a very bitter front note that was the most aggressive we’ve experienced. This wine wrestled you into drinking it. Like many less expensive sparkling wines, it was a little too bubbly, tickling your nose in all the wrong ways. The taste was better and smoother on the finish, but left our mouths feeling dry, making us feel like we needed a sip of water after every taste. While the wine was a bit one-note in flavor, it did have buttery after taste that was a pleasant contrast with its sharp initial flavor. The evening was so nice, we managed to finish the entire bottle without complaint. Sometimes, it’s all about the ambience.

Score: She gave it a 2, he let the evening carry him away and gave it a 3.

Recommended: It could be good with spicy food as a way to cut the heat and have something else to complain about, but would be overpowering otherwise.

This Time It’s Chocolate Tuesday

We’re sure most everyone knows that today is Mardi Gras. A time to bare all for the sake of some plastic beads and way too many Hurricanes. But as some of you may or may not also know, today is the 100th anniversary of International Women’s Day. So lets keep our tops on for the moment and celebrate the fact that women are here to keep the world a little more civilized. Or at least keep the world’s bathrooms clean. (Have you ever seen a single man’s bathroom? Even microbiologists have to shiver.)

Without being too cliché, there might not be a better way to enjoy the more feminine things in life (and indulgence!) than chocolate. And hey, you know what goes well with chocolate? You get a king cake if you answered “champagne.”

That’s right, women, repressed Catholics, and unleashed coeds everywhere can agree that champagne makes any celebration complete. Before you get too drunk to walk home in your 5-inch heels, we’d like to recommend another bubbly libation, the Duval-Leroy Brut ($35). This champagne lights up the party immediately, with plenty of bubbles when it hits the glass. Thankfully, the carbonation settles down once it hits your mouth, playfully tickling your palate as you drink. It had a very light, sour smell that still managed to remain enticing, more like a delicate yogurt. It had a tart, clean, fruity finish, and was crisp and easy to drink. Overall, the experience was refreshing and palate-cleansing, with a unique taste for a French style champagne. Perfect for a charming carnival with the fairer sex (we’re sure Bourbon Street is keeping it classy as always).

Score: An all-around 3.5

Recommended: Sure, it has one of the more unique yet enticing flavors we’ve experienced.