Thrifty Must Mean ‘Wads of Cash’ in Old English

We were under the impression the economy is in the toilet. Times are hard; everyone is tightening their belts and waiting for the ridiculous opulence of times past to return. But if you walk into the Salvation Army in San Francisco, you’d think that even the homeless have found a housing bubble that just won’t burst.

Since we recently decided we desperately needed a new camera for filming our future Academy Award nominated movie, we’ve tried to keep our spending in check (well, mostly in check, since Amoeba is right down the street). With that in mind, we headed to our local Salvation Army recently to see about some inexpensive furniture to fill up our still sparse apartment. Maybe a little coffee table or a cheap-but-functional dresser. But the folks at this store must take the meaning of “thrift” to entirely new levels. What cash-poor individual could afford a $250 dresser? From a used goods store? Was this dresser made of unicorn dust and originally sold for $2 million, making a mere $250 a good deal? We think not. And the store was full of similarly priced items. No piece of furniture was under $200, and yet none of them looked like they would fetch more than $30 at an old-fashioned garage sale. Maybe the bums here really do make a good living. We need to reconsider our careers.

We haughtily left the store as soon as we realized the insanity of its pricing scheme, but we were determined not to let our bus trip across town be in vain. Luckily, there was a BevMo just two blocks away. What better way to forget that we are not even middle-class enough to buy from a thrift store than to purchase swanky bottles of champagne?

The wine we decided to drink that evening, in the spirit of dabbling in the higher classes, was the Moët & Chandon Impérial ($32). This very pale, lightly bubbly wine smelled very fresh in the glass, though not yeasty like most French champagnes. It had an extremely clean, subtle taste with only a hint of bitterness at the end. It was very dry, probably the driest wine we’ve tasted so far, with very little mouth fizz (a technical term). It also had no real aftertaste, besides the sensation of needing a glass of water. But the overall experience was pleasant, fresh, and enjoyable enough to let us look down our noses at those fools buying furniture at the Salvation Army. You could buy eight bottles of this champagne for one of those dressers! The savvy shopper knows which choice to make.

Score: We both give it a 3.5

Recommended: We’ll give this one a solid sure; it’s a relatively affordable, dependable French champagne.