Making It Memorable

Labor Day may seem like the end of summer for some, but to us, it’s the beginning of the most beautiful time of year. Our summers up in the bay usually arrive later than the rest of the state, so while most people head back to school with memories of sunburns and charred meat, we head out on the town for warm days and cloud-free skies.

This past weekend, we celebrated the return of gorgeous weather with Rochelle’s sister and brother-in-law, who live just beyond the Caldecott Tunnel in the East Bay. Amid the summer-brown fields and down the hill from a pasture full of miniature donkeys (honestly), we all sat down for many things grilled, along with one thing bubbly.

But before we began our full review, Rochelle’s brother-in-law took haste to point out that in his opinion, our blog would garner more readers if we made the reviews more “memorable.” And in his mind, this could only mean using far more offensive language to describe our wines. And hating the wines more, for as he sees it, the only really good reviews are those in which the reviewer absolutely loathes that which is being reviewed.

The sacrificial wine for this roast (haha) was the Piper-Heidsieck Brut ($28). We’ll start off with the majority review of the three, less antagonist tasters. The wine had a lovely golden hue in the glass, with a large dose of bubbles and a scent reminiscent of bourbon. It was pretty dry, with bitter overtones that gave way to a smoother, sweeter finish. While not offensive, it was fairly unremarkable, with a nose that promised much more complexity than was actually delivered. But it left a pleasing, faintly fruity taste in the mouth after drinking.

Now, this same wine as reviewed by the brother-in-law. First of all, he thought we should start off with something clever to say about the name, like “Piper tastes like a diaper,” in order to lure in more readers. He also wanted us to point out that the color looks like a urine sample from a particularly healthy individual. And as this was his first taste of champagne (not being a drinker), the review grows even more colorful after his first sip. He thought it tasted like alcohol he used to steal out of his mother’s liquor cabinet when he was younger. In response to its profuse carbonation, he thought we should add “warning: causes gas.” In conclusion, he decided it was too gross to drink, but would make an excellent disinfectant.

We expect our readership to quadruple after this review.

Score: It was a unanimous three (well, almost, if “use as disinfectant” can count as a middling review).

Recommended: Rochelle’s brother-in-law may have been a little over-enthusiastic with his color commentary, but we did all agree that we wouldn’t buy this wine again, especially given the price (many other good French champagnes in this range).