Life is full of disappointments. Like when you’ve been playing Viva Piñata for two hours and you’re still no closer to getting that damn S’morepion because the store refuses to sell venus flytrap seeds. And it’s all you’ve been waiting for! Or that feeling you get when you realize there are people out there willing to vote for Meg Whitman for governor. Those sorts of things.
Typically, the only thing about Trader Joe’s that was ever disappointing was the fact that certain beloved items could disappear from the shelves without notice (you can conjure up the image of your own particular beloved item here). Blame the fickle warehouse gods. But we recently discovered that even Trader Joe’s can advertise items as a tasty bargain when really, they’re just mediocre products masquerading as something fancy to steal your money (Meg, have you expanded into the champagne business by any chance?)
Feeling adventurous while buying our usual bucket of hummus and flax seed chips, we decided to try a French champagne we’d never heard of but which Trader Joe’s touted as a classic, the Charles D’Embrun Brut ($25). We should have sensed trouble from the beginning – the bottle was so carbonated, the cork flew out of the top without being touched, rocketing through the air and almost taking out an eye in the process. We shook off this initial assault, and plunged forward as a tart, fruity smell emanated from the bottle. But, while this wine was made in France and claimed to use traditional champagne techniques, we could taste none of the classic, yeasty overtones or complex flavors of other French champagnes. It’s possible there was a slight bread-like nuance in the aftertaste, but it was hidden by the extremely tart, unpleasantly dry finish that made us pucker all over. And the longer the wine sat in the glass, the more it smelled like wet dog.
Like never winning TJ’s raffle for bringing in our own bags (is this raffle even legit? has anyone ever won?), this champagne was a sour downer.
Score: Still not the worst we’ve had, we gave it a unanimous 2.5
Recommended: No and no, really not what we expected from a French champagne.
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