Hunting the Albino Alligator

One nice thing living in the Washington, D.C. area did provide was a broad range of museums within which to totally nerd-out for free. The Smithsonians are owned by the American people, and we are indeed members of the American people, so our tickets were already paid for (through taxes, which might mean technically we paid the entrance fee far, far in advance, but let’s not get technical). Moving out to San Francisco, we were suddenly faced with the decision to either pay $30 to get our nerd fix, or save that money for true necessities, like champagne.

But every once in a while, the museums of San Francisco take pity on the middle class geeks of this fair city and offer something for free. A short time ago, we took advantage of just such an offer, and were able to spend our entire afternoon joyously giving our natural history muscles a workout at the California Academy of Sciences, for free! While we loved numerous exhibits throughout the museum, like the mammoth catfish that could easily swallow a five-year-old child, or the adorable poison dart frogs who look just like candy (tricky little devils), our favorite part of the visit this time around was Claude, the albino alligator. The mystery, the majesty, the creepy way he never moved while we were looking at him and yet was always in a different position when we stopped by ten minutes later. We are already planning new ways to sneak up on him in action when the next free weekend comes around six months from now. It may involve ski masks.

And since this weekend outing was free, we had money in our pockets for the essentials, like another bottle of sparkling wine, ripe for a review. This time we chose the j Cuvée 20 ($27). We already spoke favorably of the j Rosé, and were hopeful that the rest of the varieties would not disappoint. This wine certainly did not. It was very crisp, bubbly, and bright. It had a clean, light, almost peachy aroma. With delicate undertones to every sip, it was fun to drink and had a very light bitterness that actually balanced the complex flavors of the wine. It was impressively balanced and nuanced for a California wine. But we must admit, it was no albino alligator.

Score: A unanimous 4.

Recommended: Yep, it’s a little pleasure in a bottle.

Just Get Me Through to Morning

It might be a little too early to celebrate anything right now on this election evening. Ballots are still being counted, bruises are still bursting their way to the surface of many a battered soul (politics makes us alliterative). There have been a few turn of events that have actually made us smile, a lot that made us queasy, and a few that just made us scratch our heads – like that witch-lady, did she really think she was going to win? If you have to run an ad on television declaring you’re not a witch, we’re pretty sure you’re really a witch.

But no matter who wins or loses, or what ridiculous propositions pass that will give more money to the bajillionaires down in their beach homes in Malibu, there are still a few things to tip a glass to tonight. First, we will no longer have to see Meg Whitman’s smug little face talking about how she’s all about the California dream. If she was auctioning her “truthiness” (thank you, G.W.) she’d get negative bids. But most importantly, no more political ads! We can finally turn on the television for a lively game of Jeopardy without being inundated with bad lighting, annoying voice-overs, and things we “can’t afford.” Geez, it’s a recession, you don’t have to tell us what we can’t afford.

Although, that Yes on 21 ad didn’t bother us too much, what with those cute little foxes and all.

So if you’re ready to sip some bubbly in celebration of commercial breaks returning to little geckos and pizza salesman, try a bottle of Drusian Valdobbiadene Prosecco Superiore ($15). A wine from Italy? Yes! Because who isn’t tired of America right now? And prosecco is easier on the wallet then French champagnes, so you can save your money for all the whiskey you’ll need once you realize the state the country is in after the elections. But back to the prosecco. This one smelled strongly floral and fruity right out of the bottle, with a refreshing amount of carbonation to give it just the right amount of kick. It had a sweetness that fills your entire mouth and lasts long after you’ve drunk it down. It did retain some mildly bitter apple undertones with a light dryness, but these didn’t detract from its easy drinkability. It mostly made us think of this past summer, a time when anything was still possible and hope was still alive. Eh, maybe we’ll just move to Italy they don’t have any crazy politics, right?

Score: It was a unanimous 3, but in a good way.

Recommended: Yes, this is a solid prosecco that is sure to keep its promises.

Gray Mediocrity

It’s been a rainy past few days, and it looks like the rain will last through the weekend. Expected for late October around here, but still a drag. Our late summer is officially over.

And while we morn the loss of the sun and the oncoming drab days, why not review a wine that makes us feel just as blasé?

We’ve seen this sparkling wine everywhere, from small neighborhood grocery stores to the cavernous Costco, but we had never been inclined to give it a try. Something just said “this is a wine that wishes it was something a little more French.” While this feeling still nagged us, we finally gave in and tried the Roederer Estate Anderson Valley Brut ($25). All we could say upon first sip was “grapey,” like that annoying little Welch’s girl. It didn’t provide any redeeming qualities after the first taste, with its tart, puckering finish. Although it was a very light wine, with undertones of crackers (the bastard child of actual baked bread), it left the mouth drier than we would have expected. Overall, it was fairly easy drinking, but totally unremarkable. And once we finished, we noticed our glasses smelled like feet. Eww.

Score: She gives it a 2, he has some pity and gives it a 2.5

Recommended: Pass this one, it’s a big green bottle full of tangy juice.

Even Trader Joe’s Can Let You Down

Life is full of disappointments. Like when you’ve been playing Viva Piñata for two hours and you’re still no closer to getting that damn S’morepion because the store refuses to sell venus flytrap seeds. And it’s all you’ve been waiting for! Or that feeling you get when you realize there are people out there willing to vote for Meg Whitman for governor. Those sorts of things.

Typically, the only thing about Trader Joe’s that was ever disappointing was the fact that certain beloved items could disappear from the shelves without notice (you can conjure up the image of your own particular beloved item here). Blame the fickle warehouse gods. But we recently discovered that even Trader Joe’s can advertise items as a tasty bargain when really, they’re just mediocre products masquerading as something fancy to steal your money (Meg, have you expanded into the champagne business by any chance?)

Feeling adventurous while buying our usual bucket of hummus and flax seed chips, we decided to try a French champagne we’d never heard of but which Trader Joe’s touted as a classic, the Charles D’Embrun Brut ($25). We should have sensed trouble from the beginning – the bottle was so carbonated, the cork flew out of the top without being touched, rocketing through the air and almost taking out an eye in the process. We shook off this initial assault, and plunged forward as a tart, fruity smell emanated from the bottle. But, while this wine was made in France and claimed to use traditional champagne techniques, we could taste none of the classic, yeasty overtones or complex flavors of other French champagnes. It’s possible there was a slight bread-like nuance in the aftertaste, but it was hidden by the extremely tart, unpleasantly dry finish that made us pucker all over. And the longer the wine sat in the glass, the more it smelled like wet dog.

Like never winning TJ’s raffle for bringing in our own bags (is this raffle even legit? has anyone ever won?), this champagne was a sour downer.

Score: Still not the worst we’ve had, we gave it a unanimous 2.5

Recommended: No and no, really not what we expected from a French champagne.

A Little Like Alex Trebek at a Wu-Tang Concert

Some things should probably not mix. You know, like MC Hammer and a children’s bluegrass show. Seriously. The Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival does indicate through its name that strict adherence to the term “bluegrass” is not a requirement for festival participation. But the man who brought us Hammer Pants? Even being inclusive San Franciscans, we found that to be stretching it. Although Mr. Hammer could have a down home country past of which we’re not aware. Maybe the MC stands for Mack Chevy.

We missed Hammer Time this year, but we did manage to catch Fountains of Wayne (bluegrass, no, but man did that bring us back) and Conor Oberst. Oh Conor, he can bring even a rockin country festival to a screeching, heart-breaking halt. But he’s so sincere about it. And yes, we had an unconfirmed Steve Wozniak on a segway sighting during the FoW show. Did he know he had stumbled upon a bluegrass festival? Perhaps his segway was stuck on auto-pilot, pulling his rotund personage through the streets of San Francisco willy-nilly.

And one of us (we won’t name names) downed three hot dogs in twenty minutes, experiencing both great gustatory pleasure and the crippling pain of digesting that much gut-busting minced meat.

The festival was still great, eclectic fun. Maybe the seeming senselessness of it all added to that. We’re certainly not going to complain. We have our own odd pairings from time to time. Like our combination of Gosset Excellence Brut* ($42) with homemade pad thai for dinner. Gosset claims to be the oldest running champagne house in France, and we’re not historians so we’ll take their word for it. Pad thai is not French (unless you add snails), and can be found in any American asian fusion hole-in-the-wall restaurant. And yet, we love them both, together. The Gosset had a lovely light bready smell, perfect for a champagne, with a very classic brut taste. It was fruitier than most of the bruts we’ve had, but toed the line nicely between charmingly sweet and grape juice. It was light, not too dry, and easy to drink, with minimal carbonation. It maintained its breadiness in the aftertaste, and became drier the more we drank.

The pad thai was amazing. We recommend extra peanuts.

*Warning: Do not operate a segway after drinking.

Score: She gives it a 4, he gives it a 3.

Recommended: This one certainly had prestige, but it was a little pricey. If you can find it on sale, go for it.

It’s Not Over Until You’ve Had Champagne

If you’ve ever wondered what champion Formula One race car drivers drink after zipping past the competition, so did we. But it didn’t take long to notice that after every race, the men were swigging back huge bottles of G.H. Mumm. Intrigued by this, and in celebration of Ferrari’s recent winning streak, we decided to purchase a bottle and see what it was like on the winning team.

Of course, a classy event like Formula One racing could never disappoint. We purchased the authentic G.H. Mumm Cordon Rogue ($30), in a more reasonable 1.5 liter bottle. (Though who are we kidding? We would have purchased the double size bottle in a heart beat). The champagne smelled sweet and delicious. It was extremely refreshing, which must explain why men who have sweated through two hours of being stuck in a tiny, hot race car can drink so much of it afterwards. It had a full, bready taste that was slightly dry but still left your mouth feeling pleasantly moist. The aftertaste was smooth and complex. This was a champagne that activated all the tastebuds. Definitely for winners; wimpy losers should stick with their Korbel and goldfish crackers.

Score: She gives it a 4, while he jumps ahead with a 4.5

Recommended: Heck yeah, this is only classy champagne.

Brought To You By The Letter J

The most exciting event of the past week in our neighborhood was the start of a weekly food truck convergence at the end of the block. For the foreseeable future, our Thursdays just became that much tastier. There’s something about food from a truck that has flavors you just can’t get in a restaurant that's not on wheels. And food trucks don't just sell tacos and hot dogs these days – there’s deconstructed samosas, lumpia, and cupcakes too.

Just another reason we love this town.

The sparkling wine for this week has nothing to do with food trucks (we don’t think trucks can get a license to sell booze, which is a shame). We tried it because we had seen the bottle everywhere and were intrigued by the simplicity of its marketing. A single letter on a clean, green bottle – it’s pretty sexy.

The wine was J Brut Rosé ($25), which not only rhymes, it’s pretty tasty too. It had a gorgeous, peachy-pink color, yet again proving we love staring deeply into a glass of rosé. The scent was distinctly floral. The first sip was dry, with just a hint of sweetness, and a tangy floral aftertaste. It had just the right amount of carbonation and a very smooth finish. The more we drank it, the more we liked this playful sparkling wine. And we should note, it goes very well with a ravenous appetite, like the kind produced by a flock of food trucks.

Score: We both gave it a 3.5

Recommended: Sure. This is a good, solid rosé.