Gray Mediocrity

It’s been a rainy past few days, and it looks like the rain will last through the weekend. Expected for late October around here, but still a drag. Our late summer is officially over.

And while we morn the loss of the sun and the oncoming drab days, why not review a wine that makes us feel just as blasé?

We’ve seen this sparkling wine everywhere, from small neighborhood grocery stores to the cavernous Costco, but we had never been inclined to give it a try. Something just said “this is a wine that wishes it was something a little more French.” While this feeling still nagged us, we finally gave in and tried the Roederer Estate Anderson Valley Brut ($25). All we could say upon first sip was “grapey,” like that annoying little Welch’s girl. It didn’t provide any redeeming qualities after the first taste, with its tart, puckering finish. Although it was a very light wine, with undertones of crackers (the bastard child of actual baked bread), it left the mouth drier than we would have expected. Overall, it was fairly easy drinking, but totally unremarkable. And once we finished, we noticed our glasses smelled like feet. Eww.

Score: She gives it a 2, he has some pity and gives it a 2.5

Recommended: Pass this one, it’s a big green bottle full of tangy juice.

Even Trader Joe’s Can Let You Down

Life is full of disappointments. Like when you’ve been playing Viva Piñata for two hours and you’re still no closer to getting that damn S’morepion because the store refuses to sell venus flytrap seeds. And it’s all you’ve been waiting for! Or that feeling you get when you realize there are people out there willing to vote for Meg Whitman for governor. Those sorts of things.

Typically, the only thing about Trader Joe’s that was ever disappointing was the fact that certain beloved items could disappear from the shelves without notice (you can conjure up the image of your own particular beloved item here). Blame the fickle warehouse gods. But we recently discovered that even Trader Joe’s can advertise items as a tasty bargain when really, they’re just mediocre products masquerading as something fancy to steal your money (Meg, have you expanded into the champagne business by any chance?)

Feeling adventurous while buying our usual bucket of hummus and flax seed chips, we decided to try a French champagne we’d never heard of but which Trader Joe’s touted as a classic, the Charles D’Embrun Brut ($25). We should have sensed trouble from the beginning – the bottle was so carbonated, the cork flew out of the top without being touched, rocketing through the air and almost taking out an eye in the process. We shook off this initial assault, and plunged forward as a tart, fruity smell emanated from the bottle. But, while this wine was made in France and claimed to use traditional champagne techniques, we could taste none of the classic, yeasty overtones or complex flavors of other French champagnes. It’s possible there was a slight bread-like nuance in the aftertaste, but it was hidden by the extremely tart, unpleasantly dry finish that made us pucker all over. And the longer the wine sat in the glass, the more it smelled like wet dog.

Like never winning TJ’s raffle for bringing in our own bags (is this raffle even legit? has anyone ever won?), this champagne was a sour downer.

Score: Still not the worst we’ve had, we gave it a unanimous 2.5

Recommended: No and no, really not what we expected from a French champagne.

A Little Like Alex Trebek at a Wu-Tang Concert

Some things should probably not mix. You know, like MC Hammer and a children’s bluegrass show. Seriously. The Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival does indicate through its name that strict adherence to the term “bluegrass” is not a requirement for festival participation. But the man who brought us Hammer Pants? Even being inclusive San Franciscans, we found that to be stretching it. Although Mr. Hammer could have a down home country past of which we’re not aware. Maybe the MC stands for Mack Chevy.

We missed Hammer Time this year, but we did manage to catch Fountains of Wayne (bluegrass, no, but man did that bring us back) and Conor Oberst. Oh Conor, he can bring even a rockin country festival to a screeching, heart-breaking halt. But he’s so sincere about it. And yes, we had an unconfirmed Steve Wozniak on a segway sighting during the FoW show. Did he know he had stumbled upon a bluegrass festival? Perhaps his segway was stuck on auto-pilot, pulling his rotund personage through the streets of San Francisco willy-nilly.

And one of us (we won’t name names) downed three hot dogs in twenty minutes, experiencing both great gustatory pleasure and the crippling pain of digesting that much gut-busting minced meat.

The festival was still great, eclectic fun. Maybe the seeming senselessness of it all added to that. We’re certainly not going to complain. We have our own odd pairings from time to time. Like our combination of Gosset Excellence Brut* ($42) with homemade pad thai for dinner. Gosset claims to be the oldest running champagne house in France, and we’re not historians so we’ll take their word for it. Pad thai is not French (unless you add snails), and can be found in any American asian fusion hole-in-the-wall restaurant. And yet, we love them both, together. The Gosset had a lovely light bready smell, perfect for a champagne, with a very classic brut taste. It was fruitier than most of the bruts we’ve had, but toed the line nicely between charmingly sweet and grape juice. It was light, not too dry, and easy to drink, with minimal carbonation. It maintained its breadiness in the aftertaste, and became drier the more we drank.

The pad thai was amazing. We recommend extra peanuts.

*Warning: Do not operate a segway after drinking.

Score: She gives it a 4, he gives it a 3.

Recommended: This one certainly had prestige, but it was a little pricey. If you can find it on sale, go for it.