How to Make Old Women Fascinating

I'm not too ashamed to admit, we've been on a stint of watching The Golden Girls as of late. Like watching an hour of reruns every night. You might think night after night of a series about women post-menopause might become tiring, but truth-be-told, it just gets better! That's good writing!

Our favorite on the show by far is Bea Arthur. My goodness, that woman can throw sarcasm like a perfectly placed fast ball down the middle. He incredulous stares alone are enough to elicit huge guffaws from our couch. Have you seen her stare down a buffoon? Or even a baboon, that would be good too, they should have looked into that. The point is she had timing, and presence, and she was really tall! You go, golden girl.

It gives us hope that TV doesn't always have to follow the same formula. You can make a completely hilarious and charming show that has none of the usual hot younger girls, middle-aged moronic men, or over-tired body humor. And more than that, it proves that women can be funny too. In case any of you were wondering (Josh is now rolling his eyes). We're thinking of starting up our own series called “Funny Past Fifty” starring various TV moms from our youth. Be prepared to laugh until you pee your pants (which is likely to happen if you yourself are over fifty).

TV watching, especially a good comedy, is also a great time to share some sparkling wine. The bubbles help relax the diaphragm for bigger laughs (it's science). We recently decided to try our luck with something Spanish, this time the Segura Viudas Brut Reserva ($11). A little on the cheaper side, and this one showed it. It was sweeter than a typical brut, but still maintained a lot of flavor that lingered in the nose after sipping. The liquid feels like it coats the mouth in an almost oily manner, which was less unpleasant than it sounds. The taste was decidedly herbal and savory, with a nose reminiscent of almost ripe fruit.

We weren't too impressed, but it wasn't a complete failure. I think Bea Arthur would probably chuck it out the window, but in a nice way.

Score: She gives it a 2.5, he allows it a 3.

Recommended: Not unless you're having a Spanish themed party on a budget.

Sick Days – Dream About Champagne

One of the worst things about having a persistent cold is losing the ability to taste things the way they should be tasted. And knowing that downing an entire bottle of champagne might make you feel temporarily better, but is probably bad for your long-term recovery. But being wistful for a glass of bubbly, I thought it was time to review one of our favorites, and long for the days when champagne will flow freely once again.

The oldest champagne we’ve had so far is the 1990 G. H. Mumm Cordon Rouge ($290). This bottle was so old, the cage around the cork broke as we were trying to remove it, the metal was so worn down. The cork itself had small particles of sediment at the bottom and a musky aroma, like a wet basement full of fallen oak leaves. But the taste itself was divine! The top notes were slightly malty, like you were drinking the finest beer in the history of all beers. The liquid had few bubbles and was almost thick as it coated the mouth like a fine liquor. It was a drink you could feel the whole way down, with hints of caramel turning and morphing after every swallow. An incredibly smooth and deeply seductive wine.

I'm sure a tiny drop would be just the cure for this cold...

Score: 5+

Recommended: Oh please, as if you have to ask. Save up, kids!