Tastes Like the IRS

There are few things less appealing than doing taxes. Maybe macro-economics lectures, or house-sitting for a friend who has an epileptic cat with continence issues. But filling out those forms for the IRS is right up there. Their jargon is so opaque and overwrought it could only have come from the bowels of bureaucrats stuffed on the carcasses of campaign promises past.

The math involved borders on pure hocus-pocus, magically adding and subtracting from that imaginary pile of money in the sky until a final number pops out of the hat. And while we’re happy for our refund when it’s all said and done, it still leaves us feeling like we need a long shower, a good scrub, and a stiff drink. The stench of dank DC basements lingers.

So perhaps it’s a good time for this next review. The Pierre Chainier Séduction Brut ($10) would rival tax form legalese for the bad taste it left in our mouths. Rather than using anything close to the champagne method for sparkling wines, this seemed to be a blend of chardonnay and sauvignon blanc, with some caustic bubbles added to the mix. It was sweet yet bitter at the same time, like meeting an ex on the street while you’re out with your new significant other. And much like doing taxes, it left us both with a headache afterwards. While “seduction” is in the name of this wine, we can’t think of anything else that would kill the mood quicker. Except maybe a shirtless tax attorney.

Score: Our very first 1.

Recommended: Only as a gift for the loveless bureaucrats in your life.

Celebrate the Stops

Sometimes there doesn’t seem to be much to celebrate in life. We all feel this. There can be major upsets, huge heartbreaks, crushing failures. There can even be little things. That package you’re dying to receive that gets lost in the mail. A fabulous new recipe you wanted to try that turned out worse than your grandmother’s meatloaf. Or a huge case of writer’s block when all you want to do is get that dang work off the ground (and off your shoulders).

But we think this is perhaps the best time of all to celebrate. When there’s nothing else you can do anymore. When you’re about to throw the whole thing out the window. When that questionable stain from last week’s party just isn’t going anywhere. Because if anything, having these fits of inadequacy and frustration forces us all to pause. To stop driving relentlessly forward toward some end that’s never going to be good enough. If all you have left is a champagne flute and a patch of hardwood floor, stop, take a breath, and remember this is the perfect time for some refreshment.

Take all those lemons, and turn them into champagne! (Hmm, new market here? Lemon champagne anyone?) One we recently tried that might be worth a shot is the Schramsberg Mirabelle Brut ($19). This sparkling wine had a smooth, juicy taste heavily laden with apples. It was crisply dry like a Granny Smith, but with no real bite at the end. It had spicy undertones that almost warmed the tongue, and was very pleasantly carbonated. This tangy wine became stronger in flavor as we drank, amplifying it’s tartness. An enjoyable experience, and one that might remind you that as long as you have a glass of bubbly, everything else can fix itself.

Score: An all-around 3.

Recommended: Sure, it’s pretty solid, and certainly better than a trip to the DMV.

Spring Time for Bubbly

We’re sure we’re not the only people thankful for the recent start of daylight savings time and the extended evening hours we’ve all received. Things have even warmed up recently in our fair city of San Francisco, leaving us with many nights to open the windows, feel the cool Pacific breeze, and enjoy the many blessings we have in our comfy little apartment. And walk around with no pants. (Did we say that?)

Nights like these make us want to celebrate everything, from successfully unclogging a drain (take that, hairball) to finding that elusive foreign film (Takeshis’ is ours!). Long evenings and lots of little victories can only mean one thing – more champagne.

This one is actually a sparkling wine. And while we were too distracted marveling at the fantastic Bay weather to take a picture of our bottle, you will still have to trust our review is genuine. This time it was the Chandon Extra-Dry Riche ($19). While we’ve been disappointed by Chandon’s wines before, we gave this one a try mostly because it came as a gift at no cost to us, so we had little to lose besides our thirst. True to its promise of extra-dry flavor, it had a very bitter front note that was the most aggressive we’ve experienced. This wine wrestled you into drinking it. Like many less expensive sparkling wines, it was a little too bubbly, tickling your nose in all the wrong ways. The taste was better and smoother on the finish, but left our mouths feeling dry, making us feel like we needed a sip of water after every taste. While the wine was a bit one-note in flavor, it did have buttery after taste that was a pleasant contrast with its sharp initial flavor. The evening was so nice, we managed to finish the entire bottle without complaint. Sometimes, it’s all about the ambience.

Score: She gave it a 2, he let the evening carry him away and gave it a 3.

Recommended: It could be good with spicy food as a way to cut the heat and have something else to complain about, but would be overpowering otherwise.