Things For Which You Shouldn’t Tip

We’ve entered the ranks of true un-paid bloggers with our recent milestone – two months without a new entry. And we’ll do the cursory whining, that there was wedding planning, and out-of-town trips, and script-writing, and flying monkeys that got in the way of our postings. But we know you’ve heard all that before, and they’re just excuses. If you really want to do something, you make time for it, simple as that. So we apologize. Feel free to throw virtual tomatoes (just not heirloom tomatoes, you should keep those babies to eat!).

While you may be unhappy with us, we’ve also been unhappy with some of the sparkling wine selections we’ve encountered over the past few months. Maybe we’ve been too stingy and haven’t been springing for the pricey stuff as much as usual (weddings can take a bite out of the budget), but I also think our good luck with finding bargain wines that still please the palate couldn’t last forever. And so, here are a couple wines you can be sure to avoid, at any price. (Unfortunately, because one of us changed phones, we no longer have photos, but you wouldn’t want to see these pitiful bottles anyway).

First, the Pol Remy Brut ($9), the second least impressive champagne we’ve tried so far. It was furiously bubbly and abrasively sour upon first sip. It lacked pretty much any other flavor besides sour, and even smelled slightly of wine that’s turned a bit too far towards vinegar. It did have a moderate crispness, but the wine itself lacked any complexity, and was just another empty promise. The ending was nothing but dry all over.

Score: She gives it a 1.5, he miraculously bestows a 2.5 upon this wine.

Next is the Enrico Prosecco ($13), a sparkler from an Italian vineyard that was established in 1983, which seemed promising as that was the year of this author’s birth. But alas, not everything founded in ’83 was meant to be spectacular. This was another wine with too many bubbles, perhaps trying to make up for a lack of flavor. It was typically dry, with sweet and sour top notes mixed together. The flavor was so light it was hard to identify, and merely tickled the tongue without providing any real enjoyment. The closest flavor we could come up with was watery apples, almost like apple flavored watermelons (are there such things?). It was an underwhelming, unremarkable experience.

Score: She gives it a 2, he goes with a 2.5

Recommended: Obviously, even at bargain prices, we suggest avoiding these wines and using your money for a nice six-pack of micro-brewed beer. For those times you need a break from champagne. Hey, it could happen.